All Things...

Last week was a tough one in my little corner of the world. School had me way down on myself, questioning why I was even there, if it would ever end... I doubted my ability and competence on every level... yachta yachta, you know the drill. This is a bit strange, seeing as I love school - as tough as it always is, this past week just really got me down.

Praise the Lord for amazing people in my life! I called my friend Angel, and through my tears over the phone she asked to pray for me. Wow, exactly what I needed - to know someone was interceding on my behalf, and allowing the Lord to encourage my spirit. Thanks, girl - you bless my heart!!

My classes this semester are all so great, things I am highly interested in. Oddly enough, the one that has been the biggest source of frustration is Arabic. Last semester I seemed so much more motivated to study and learn, and excited about how it may serve me in the future. This semester has been another story. I have not been able to make myself crack my book open at night, and it always gets the "If I have time to study for that class..." excuse. I suppose it's been the challenge of it. Or perhaps that I don't believe I will ever really speak it, so what's the point? Or maybe the fact that I know this isn't the dialect most Arabs use to communicate, so once I live in an Arabic speaking place again I will have to go through the whole drill again. Whatever it is, it led me to failing a test last week (that I actually had put in several hours for) and feeling like throwing in the towel.

Yesterday, thanks to an amazing and beautiful friend who continuously speaks truth into my life, I realized the reason is because I have lost sight of WHY I am studying Arabic. Someday I will live among Arabs again, and if I don't believe this, of course I won't want to study. If I don't believe that I must know Arabic to share the Gospel, of course I won't be motivated to learn more. This is not easy, and no one ever told me it would be. But it will be worth it some day. This side is the less "glamorous" one, if you will. People aren't praying for my Arabic studies like they were for my life when I lived in the Middle East. But this is what the Father will use someday to share His love with His children.

I was reading from 1 Corinthians today (vs. 9:22-23) "To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all people, that I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the Gospel, that I may share in its blessings." This verse used to be an intangible ideal for me - a cliche almost, far removed from my life. However, I now believe Paul made himself uncomfortable for the sake of Jesus' name. He loved the gospel, and strived to take part in its' blessings, so he beat himself into submission of whatever it took. So, for the sake of the Gospel, I am pressing forward. For the sake of His glory among Arabs, I am pressing on.

This conversation, by the way, took place in Olive Garden last night. It started off with my off-handed comments about people on the street making jest remarks over Americans speaking classical arabic. It ended with me realizing that things like this are what I believe will be the result of my studies, and pinpointing the very reason I have not been able to make myself work any harder or more productively. I am not learning Arabic, however, to buy things on the street. I am learning it that I might "win some."

Thank you, Amber, for speaking truth to me. Truth hurts, and with hurt comes tears. Thank you for bringing them out ... it was about time. I love you and am so thankful for you.