Small Group

I went to a small group meeting tonight, which happened to be right down the street. The girls there were all amazing and beautiful and really sweet. We watched a video on Quantum Physics or something and all I could think about the whole time, and was discussed in the group, is that all of these things can be answered in the person of God. We don't have to give ourselves headaches over the mere existence of the atoms around us or the ideas of created reality or addictive behaviors being the causer of emotion. We decided that God is bigger than all of that. But, I started thinking, seeing as God is bigger than all of the depths of our puny understanding, shouldn't He give us a headache even more than Quantum Physics? I mean, He is so much bigger than all of the things we can attempt to wrap our minds around, so why wouldn't our head hurt in our attempt to understand Him?

Then again, look around. We are a society and culture of formulas and how-tos. We want solutions and how to get there. So, of course we would trivialize God into the simple answer to the questions around us. But I don't think He is the simple answer... the answer, yes, but not quite simple. Is He not the Creator of these? And of the mind? So of course He can't be understood, if we can't even understand the little things around us, how would would we understand their creator? That's like my quesadilla I made a little while ago trying to understand me... (So that idea was not an original, I understand it a little better now).

The movie (about Quantum Physics) followed a girl who hated herself, and in the end she loved herself. She realized that her thoughts created all of this hatred and anger, and her thoughts could also create love and happiness. The last shot was of her looking up into the sky while lying on a park bench. She looked happy and peaceful, and I was wondering about where her confidence could come from. It was like she decided to have peace in her life and so she did. I thought the film beautifully portrayed our need for why. Why do we exist? What is all of this around us? But, as I shared with the group, I need reason to believe something. I was told that this is where faith comes in... But faith is not grounded in total lack of reason, right? I mean, I can't prove the existence of God, and it isn't the proof of His existence I need to have faith. Yet, I didn't wake up one day and decide to believe Jesus. Jesus happened to me. I am compelled to follow Him. My faith didn't make Him - He made my faith.

Wow, so I am processing everything. Feel free to comment...

I love the rain. People who know me well know this, though this hasn't always been the case. I left the country and came back changed in a lot of ways, some I still have yet to discover, but one of which was a newly acquired love of liquid-state precipitation. God wants to pour His glory over the earth like water covers the seas, and our team was given visions of the streets being flooded with water - symbolizing His glory. Everytime it rains, I think about this and I think about that place that I love and miss.

I'm not so great with a paint brush. As in, whatever I paint (which is not very much) rarely looks like something recognizeable. Like painting in the rain. I think this is beautiful, in some ways, because maybe that is a good way to describe us. Fallen man, confused by it all, ever wondering and some seeking, some not, some finding some truth, some finding some illusion. To one another, beyond the skin - I mean, deep down - we look like a painting that was painted in the rain. But the Father gets it. And at the end of the day, knowing there is one who gets it is beautiful. Even if what He gets is the painting He made, the one made in the rain.