All Things...

Last week was a tough one in my little corner of the world. School had me way down on myself, questioning why I was even there, if it would ever end... I doubted my ability and competence on every level... yachta yachta, you know the drill. This is a bit strange, seeing as I love school - as tough as it always is, this past week just really got me down.

Praise the Lord for amazing people in my life! I called my friend Angel, and through my tears over the phone she asked to pray for me. Wow, exactly what I needed - to know someone was interceding on my behalf, and allowing the Lord to encourage my spirit. Thanks, girl - you bless my heart!!

My classes this semester are all so great, things I am highly interested in. Oddly enough, the one that has been the biggest source of frustration is Arabic. Last semester I seemed so much more motivated to study and learn, and excited about how it may serve me in the future. This semester has been another story. I have not been able to make myself crack my book open at night, and it always gets the "If I have time to study for that class..." excuse. I suppose it's been the challenge of it. Or perhaps that I don't believe I will ever really speak it, so what's the point? Or maybe the fact that I know this isn't the dialect most Arabs use to communicate, so once I live in an Arabic speaking place again I will have to go through the whole drill again. Whatever it is, it led me to failing a test last week (that I actually had put in several hours for) and feeling like throwing in the towel.

Yesterday, thanks to an amazing and beautiful friend who continuously speaks truth into my life, I realized the reason is because I have lost sight of WHY I am studying Arabic. Someday I will live among Arabs again, and if I don't believe this, of course I won't want to study. If I don't believe that I must know Arabic to share the Gospel, of course I won't be motivated to learn more. This is not easy, and no one ever told me it would be. But it will be worth it some day. This side is the less "glamorous" one, if you will. People aren't praying for my Arabic studies like they were for my life when I lived in the Middle East. But this is what the Father will use someday to share His love with His children.

I was reading from 1 Corinthians today (vs. 9:22-23) "To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all people, that I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the Gospel, that I may share in its blessings." This verse used to be an intangible ideal for me - a cliche almost, far removed from my life. However, I now believe Paul made himself uncomfortable for the sake of Jesus' name. He loved the gospel, and strived to take part in its' blessings, so he beat himself into submission of whatever it took. So, for the sake of the Gospel, I am pressing forward. For the sake of His glory among Arabs, I am pressing on.

This conversation, by the way, took place in Olive Garden last night. It started off with my off-handed comments about people on the street making jest remarks over Americans speaking classical arabic. It ended with me realizing that things like this are what I believe will be the result of my studies, and pinpointing the very reason I have not been able to make myself work any harder or more productively. I am not learning Arabic, however, to buy things on the street. I am learning it that I might "win some."

Thank you, Amber, for speaking truth to me. Truth hurts, and with hurt comes tears. Thank you for bringing them out ... it was about time. I love you and am so thankful for you.

Indiawesomeness

So I totally just made up a word. But I am allowed - this is my blog after all. I am also a little late in sharing my findings in India with everyone, but again, I am allowed. Oddly enough, many of the things I learned have deepened and even culminated since I got home. Where to begin?

The nuts and bolts: We (the whole team) arrived in Shelby, North Carolina on December 17 to meet up, eat and get to know each other a little bit. We spent the night there, and got up early the next day to head for Charlotte where our plane awaited us. We arrived in the middle of the night in Delhi, and tried to sleep a few hours to begin getting adjusted to the time difference. Our first visit to an orphanage was the following day. Wow! I was so touched... I wrote "Heartbreak #1" in my journal entry for that day. There is a fairly large orphanage in Delhi, and the few hundred kids housed there were awaiting our arrival. They had prepared a program for us and decorated our necks with beautiful flowers. They were so unbelievably beautiful!

Children at the Leper colony

That same day we visited a leper colony. I had no idea how to react, and I even have difficulty now trying to formulate words to share. The people were beautiful, excited, happy, thankful... The ministry takes care of the lepers, and learned that if a child is taken out of the colony for the 12-14 years of his or her life, he or she will not contract leprosy. Seeing as there isn't a cure for leprosy, preventing its' passage to the next generation is vital. So, the ministry takes the children of lepers to the orphanage in Kota (a city in the state of Rajasthan) called Raipura - the place i would soon arrive on the journey - and they visit their parents at holidays. We had very little time there, just enough to say hello a few times and play with the very cute kids. We spent that night in the same hotel in Delhi, and left early the next morning for Jaipur. A 5 hour trip turned into about 10, as should be expected with 37 Americans in a foreign country. The trip there was very interesting. We watched the terrain go by and change a bunch, and spotted lots of camels, cows, elephants, monkeys, horses and donkeys on the streets! Jaipur was very different from Delhi, and white people were few and far between there. It made the evening more interesting!

The night before the bus trip, our team leader, Matt, told us something that I thought was beautiful and true: You will be the same person in five years as you are today except for the poeple you meet, the places you go, and the books you read. I was feeling discouraged about spending a whole day on a bus, when the Lord encouraged me. My journal for December 21: "The people in your life so strongly affect who you are. People that don't like you show what's annoying about you. People who do show you what's great. People who love you challenge you to grow. And the places you go shape your worldview. Imagine how different I am today from 5 years ago, mainly because of the places I've been. And the books I've read have changed the way I think and the way I write (or at least helped shape these). The point is that lack of physical productivity doesn't mean today was lost - I got to know people better by spending time with them." I think this is the first thing I learned in India that the Lord wants me to remember everyday in America. I get so task oriented in the whirlwind of school and work, and if something goes unchecked on my "to-do" list, I get frustrated. Is this how I was designed? We are relational, you and me, and if we drown ourselves in work our spirit will choke. At the end of the semester, that one homework assignment won't matter as much as that cup of coffee we shared.

We arrived in Jaipur in time to eat at Pizza Hut (yes you read that correctly) and get settled into the Jaipur Palace for the night. The following day we visited the orphanage in Jaipur and had time to play and learn some songs in Hindi. We received more garlands, and set on our way to Kota. We stopped at a bunch of orpanages along the way to deliver presents for Christmas and school supplies. That evening we were finally where we'd settle in for the next week or so.

The night of my first day I wrote a poem that I would like to share. I would also like to share that I do not share my poems lightly. In fact, I think this is the first time I am typing one of my poems! However, I think it mildly captures how I felt after a day of playing with a few of the kids...

Deserts

I noticed a child's skin - as that of a desert

Dry, dirty and bare.

She didn't know, and didn't care.

My hands are covered with dust

And they become dry like Colorado air

What is this American? So spoiled? So confused?

A bit of dust and I become defused.

I wish I didn't care for my skin to be a desert.

The desert this morning was beautiful.

As a team we concentrated a lot on Acts 17:24-28. "The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by human hands. And He is not served by human hands, as if He needed anything. Rather, He himself gives everyone life and breath and everything else. From one man He made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands. God did this so that they would seek Him and perhaps reach out for Him and fund Him, though He is not far from any one of us. For in Him we live and move and have our being." As my poem mentioned, I was feeling confused about being an American. This has been a source of unrest in my spirit for the past couple of years or so, and I am finally starting to have a bit of resolve over it. Last semester, I met a couple serving in Darfur, Sudan - an area of our world being ravaged by genocide. They said that though the people are short on a lot of things, they are never short on smiles. We are want for nothing, yet we as a society are sad and lonely people. This led me to think that yes, the "less fortunate" have less, yet the "less fortunate" are happier. Being in India reinforced this fact. I wasn't sure how to react: feel bad for it and never eat a square meal again, or enjoy it and soak it all up for what it's worth ... not realizing option C. As Paul said, the Lord placed us where He placed us that we might seek and find Him. We met people even in our first days there that were called to take the Gospel to India. They had been given clothes, food and shelter - more than millions of Indian children can say - and are taking responsibility for what they have been given. The Lord has commanded us to feed the poor, to care for the fatherless... and I have the means to do it. I have the means to take care of one orphan, who can share with more Indians than I could ever reach. To whom much is given much is required. What am I doing with this "much" that has been given me?

The church at Raipura

Happy Christmas...

This beloved holiday will never be the same. We spent a great deal of time at church. *No problem* All 1600 or so kids that live at Raipura were there. It was perfect. I found my cute little girl and snuck her into the fancy lunch they had for us... Ithink it made her day. At least, it made my day! There was a carnival of sorts afterward, with swings and slides and even a camel! My friend Abby and I braved the beast and had quite a few laughs doing it.

The kids were as happy as could be. We celebrated together on Christmas Eve (carolling to every room) and they went to sleep to rest easy - no dreams of presents for the next day, no anticipation of Santa Clause. They woke up to worship and play and dance and laugh. The things that matter. Christmas will never be the same...

ENOUGH . . .

Another wise lesson from our fearless leader: "enough" is a tough term to define, and yet it's one that we must come to grips with. If going without a new outfit this month isn't enough for me, an orphan will not be fed. If saving an extra dollar every every day is feasible, someone will be taken care of this month. Matt said that the boy he's been sponsoring is about to graduate high school and wants to go to Bible College. He asked Matt to help him, and Matt realized that his definition of enough will determine how much he can help Chandar. If the house he has now isn't big ENOUGH, he will spend more of his resources to measure up to ENOUGH. If his used car isn't ENOUGH, he will have to spend more on a car payment to make it ENOUGH... you get the idea. This was about the biggest torch I could bring home... are we willing to deny ourselves something that was never our God-given right so that someone on the other side of the planet can eat tonight? The sole reason you have money now is because you were born here, not because you earned it or because you deserved it. It was God's choice. Did He choose you so that you would be part of taking care of His other children, all whom He loves just as much? Just a thought...


The last time I saw Reenaballa

Good-byes are no fun ...

After several afternoons playing in the India sun and dirt, we had to say goodbye to our newest little friends. "My" two little girls were named Reenaballa and Treeja. We hardly spoke any of one anothers' languages, and yet we communicated love so well. Reena wanted to sit and play hand-clapping games and pray for each other and run around the play ground or just sit and watch people walk by. Treeja would come and hug me, go run a bit, come hug me, run a bit, come say "Auntie one photo!" and run a bit. I never understood what it meant for love to transcend culture, language, time, generations... I was able to have a small glempse of that with those beautiful little girls. When I went to Reena's room to say goodnight, we both cried our eyes out. She sqeezed my neck as hard as her little 8-yr-old arms could, saying in beautiful English "I love you auntie." I put her back on top of her bunk, and with tears streaming down her face she flashed the most joy filled teeth-bearing grin I have ever witnessed. I blew her a kiss and she did the same. Treeja was asleep and would not wake up. I really lost it then! Would she think I had not come by at all? Would she know that I had left? I cried and kissed her, with all of her roommates saying "Auntie why you cry??" I should say that about 35 girls sleep in one hostel room, with 5 (at least) girls to a bed. They learn how to sleep through everything! I kissed her and left, etching her beautiful sleeping face into my mind.

I don't believe I went to India just for me. I know there was a lot I had to learn on my own, but I know there are a lot of people that need to know it too. Please don't remove yourself from the things I've said because I learned it while I was in India. Truth is truth, whether you go to India or not, and if you're still even reading this, then the Lord is teaching you. http://www.hopegivers.com/ is a great place to start.

Two of the most beautiful girls in the world: Reenaballa (left) and Treeja

Thanks for listening. This has been very therapeutic. Thank you for all of your support, hopefully I will be leaving the country again soon :-). Love you guys.